Something in my brain had clicked,
It’s as if the bulb was tightened.
The brightness the I once begged for has finally taken shelter inside me.
It warms me gently,
To suddenly feel things in a new light,
To see it all so much clearer.
I see every fuck up,
Yet I see every success;
I see it all.
I finally, finally
Think I see me,
Just barely but I’m poking through.
When I look in the mirror,
I see dark clouds above my silhouette ,
Yet suddenly, I’ve realized I can change the weather;
Not totally but ever so slightly.
Enough to allow the sun to peak through,
Enough to shine a light on me bright enough to see tomorrow.
That’s something I haven’t known,
Maybe ever.
And as proud as I am of myself
For making this possible for me,
I’m also still on edge
Because I know just how fast,
Just how far,
Down the hole I can go.
I know it will happen again…
It has too.
It has never ever faded forever,
Yet I have also never ever felt this with it present.
So am I actually healing?
Or will I slide into the abyss once more,
And never feel this feeling again?
No one knows.
I do know one thing;
I think this path of life
The one we all ride
Is completely linear.
I believe maybe, just maybe,
All the ups & downs were set for one intention.
I think it all works together
In the most twisted way I can imagine.
I somehow think every down
Was still an up from the previous down.
What if, maybe possibly,
It all leads to right where I’m supposed to be?
And I think believing in this linear scope of view
Will ultimately allow me to handle the next down
As an ultimate up.
Because if this is actually the true perspective,
Then I’m willing to take on
Every down from here on out,
If it’ll lead me to an up higher than this.
So the next time
My dark clouds turn into constant showers & unforeseen lightening,
I’ll know that there may not always be a light above me
But there has always been a light within me…
I just have to allow it to shine through.